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[21 May 2004|10:46pm] |
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I really just have to say Wal-Mart fucking sucks. Never go to work for them, or atleast the one off blanding. I am gonna fucking tell everyone the one I work at ya know I don't care I want everyone to know how fucked up I'm getting treated here. This is my rant. If you guys have followed for a while in my journal then you know some of the story. About me being transfered to shoes about a month and a half ago and me hating it. But you know I was soft at first but then I sucked it up and actually kinda starting to not mind working there. And now I get wind of some shit going down tomorrow. I am going to get thrown back up front to be a cashier again. I loathe being a cashier, I need to say again I fucking loathe being a cashier. So you can imagine how happy I am with this shit I am hearing. I just really don't understand why, I have been doing great I thought, I was getting along with everyone I was understanding finally some of the shit I need to know but not all because the dept manager won't show me and when I try to learn myself she tells me to do other things. I talked to the overnight assistant manager about it before I left to go home tonight and also about anything being open at night and she was like yeah we need some stocks and you should talk to stanley(store manager). Now I am just thinking how I am going to handle getting to see him before they grab me and sit for down for the bomb dropping. I just don't get this fucking store the manager staff is so damn shitty, I don't understand how a place can get this way, I really don't. All I pray is that stanley does one last thing right and say it's cool to go overnights so I can laugh in their damn face about trying to get me to be a cashier. HA! Motherfuckers! I'm not stupid and I knew! I got people who actually give a shit about how I feel and let me know things. But I knew something was up when I get there and there was some new guy in our dept and I was like what the fuck, who is this? And when I talked to the chick in my dept that I usually socialize with the whole time I'm there we talk endlessly ya know .. I get a weird vibe from her, not like usually but different, along with all the other things I knew something wasn't right. The other chick in our dept was showing the new guy his schedule and I saw his name was there and not mine so that set it off for me, I knew it. How do I get away from this shit, it seems like just yesterday I was having to go through this same damn shit when does it fucking end? It ends when stanley says sure tomorrow to me going overnight. Yeah damnit, cross your fingers. Thanks for reading if you did all the way down. I am done I think. Bye. Before I stress too much.
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| Just a thought I had.. |
[16 May 2004|11:06pm] |
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An ode to the life I hold dear.. now
I am living a life I don't deserve
I never stop to think about whats around me
I don't appreciate
I should really wake up and take it all in
Life, thank you, for always being there
I never realized how precious you are
Life without my life
I would loathe every breath I would take in
What a beautiful gentle thing a life is
You really never know how special it is
I almost forgot you
Now I see you and your essence
You are important and you can be ripped away at any second
The worse part now is that I wish you would last
Continue forever like a person's skin
Wrap me up and hold me tight
But once something isn't appreciated it leaves
You stuck with me in my ignorance and neglect
Now I see you are glorious
You are me, I am you
Now I know I deserve you
Today I learned to love my life, do you?
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[16 May 2004|01:49am] |
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I am really lonely. Work sucks as usual but the only thing thats gonna get me through tomorrow is that it's my last day until my days off, oh yeah! I don't really know what I want to say in this update. I was just sitting around watching this movie that I knew exactly where it was going to I got bored and said I think I'll write in my journal thats always fun. I all of a sudden don't feel quite so well, I wonder if Luis walked into my room right now would it automatically go away? Hmm.. I really don't know what to expect from all these feelings I have for him or all the feelings he has for me. Everything is so different from all my other relationships, it's great but I'm a little scared. Am I really in love or do I just lust for the damn guy? I really don't wanna get those feeling mixed up. Too late though if I have. He does make me feel so good and extra happy. He still makes me nervous, it's crazy. I just don't want all these to be too good to be true. I want this to last and I don't really know how to insure that or to insure that I won't get hurt. So you know what I am going to stop analyzing the shit out of all this and just be happy with the man of my dreams. Enough of that I know your sick of hearing about him. I have this huge pimple right under my eye... anyone wanna go out with me?? :P I promise you won't notice it. Anyway I'm sorry I don't have anything interesting to tell about, well maybe I do. There was a baby and a little kid that got hurt at work today. Apparently the baby was in a car seat in the top of the cart, the little kid in the basket bottom, and you know he was shaking the cart back and forth so he ended up tipping it over. There was this awful scream and a code white page, both had to be taken to the hospital. I just hope their both doing okay. That was something interesting indeed. I took some pretty cool pictures with my non-flash digital camera. I'll put them in with this post, let me know if you think they look cool too. Can you believe I actually put some info into a website for a modeling agency to contact me about an audition? I must be crazy thinking I could model. They only modeling I can do is from the neck up. If there was such a thing I'd be a top model. Ha. There is a girl at work that is always mentioning how she use to be a model, I just think to myself if she can I can because she's like 5'1 165.. lol and I'm almost as bad as that. Only thing that I love about myself is my eyes, if all you needed to get ahead in the world was pretty eyes I'd be president I think but thats just my opinion. I welcome yours. Ha. I think I'll go for now I'm talking nonsense. Have a goodnight buddies. :Muah:
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[14 May 2004|03:09am] |
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My baby called me :P And I didn't miss the call this time so YAY! That is all...
I also want the man that came to see me wearing the nurse's outfit to give me his phone number he's um so hot! Give it! I think he's still my buddy? Right Buddy? :P Did you buy that digital camera that was 20 dollars or not hun? Excuse the convo in my post, just read over it. I don't really have a update just that I am so happy, all I need now is to go out with my buddies now and have some fun since I am lonely.
Come over.
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[14 May 2004|12:51am] |
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Avant.. |
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I feel great. There is no reason in particular that I should but I do. I miss my Luis I am pulling out my hair but I'm still happy this is strange for me. To be sad and fucking happy at the same damn time. Work was actually ok today it went by pretty fast I was ecstatic. Hopefully tomorrow will go by as fast. 4 more days until my 6 mths, I am going to call my bank also to apply for the credit card they said they would give me after 6 mths @ Wal-mart. If you haven't noticed this is the biggest reason why I keep mentioning the 6 mths thing but also my transfer plans. I had a good work out damn I love working out even if I've only lost about 15 or 20 lbs in 6 mths which sucks. I'm not really on a damn diet that might have something to do with the low pounds lost but my dad keeps saying I'm losing more than I think, I don't know. Hopefully one day I'll look at least decent in a bikini. I am working on it though. I know a journal it suppose to be about your thoughts but all I think about now is Luis. I know everyone hates to hear about someone rambling on about their love story but I really think I'm in love. This has to work out and I know it will. Well let me switch gears and give you an update on my dad. He actually has gotten a job, thank the lord. So someday in the near future he's going to have some cash flow. We actually might go back to being a slightly normal family, expect my dad sleeps outside in a little building and not with my mom which I am having growing concerns about. I don't understand his need to dis-socialize himself from us like we're a virus or something. I know I'm usually at work when he's here but even when I'm off and around the house he's never in the house like he use to be, seems so many years ago. I use to feel secure when I went to bed he'd be in the living room watching tv. And now I feel nothing but an empty space. This is upsetting me so I shall stop this. I am a happy person right since I'm on my love high. Blah. Goodnight everyone. Love ya.
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[13 May 2004|01:13am] |
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I seen this font on aol, I really hope it works on here if it doesn't I'll be very pissed. I have had a great two days off as all my days off are. Until I have to go back. If I didn't have to work nights everyday then it wouldn't be so bad. I miss my baby, he's been gone only a week or so but I still miss him. I hate that he had to go to puerto rico for mother's day. I guess he never gets anytime to go there so when he does he stays for a long period of time. Luis will be back on or around the 25th or so. I can't wait. I have his birthday present, the perfect one, I really didn't know what to get him or if I should get him anything at all since we're still pretty fresh. But I translated my poem from a few days ago in spanish for him. I hope he likes it. I bought a digital camera of my own today. It is so small, like a credit card. I really like it, I got it so I can take some pictures of me and Luis for all of you guys who care to see them ,see them. I just thought about something, once I put that I was taken on my profile and shit I have gotten tons more IMs from aol, whats up with that? I don't understand why all these guys are interested NOW that I'm not looking for anyone. Then they said awww damn your taken, but I think where the hell were you when I was looking to hang out?!? On the 18th is when my 6th mths is up with Wal-mart. I can really get into finding out how I can get transfered to another store and get away from all this bullshit. I will be sad and happy on that day. I want to just dance, why can't I just do that all day and get paid for it? Why not?
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[11 May 2004|11:11pm] |
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( More Purdy's )
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[10 May 2004|11:17pm] |
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Every time I see you it's like the first time I seen you
I get all these butterflies in my stomach and I get nervous
Everything is always so fresh and new
That's why I can see myself easily with you forever
I can't stop looking at you
With your handsome face
Beautiful green eyes
And loving soul
I have never loved anyone before
So all of this is still very new and amazing
I miss everything about you
Your cologne
Your boots
Even when you get mad because you can't say something
I really do think I did the best thing
Telling you I love you
I may not be able to speak spanish well
Or you english
But the only language we need is love
I think of you often
I am lacking something in my life
Since you've been gone
And I'll be happy when you return
I can't wait to kiss you again
You truly are my first love.
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[04 May 2004|11:19pm] |
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Carl Thomas |
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AOL hasn't dumped me yet so I guess I'll play it by ear. I really don't know what I'm feeling right now. Am I really happy or am I really worried. Why do I need so much attention, I really hate what I've become sometimes. I say things to get attention and I've done it for so long now that it seems I do it in all situations, I really want to stop but yet even typing this shit right here I am doing it again so there is no end. I really am a bad person. People no one respond to this post that would be giving me attention. Work sucks like always but it keeps my shit and me going so I deal with it. This thing with the guy from work is just going, I am happy but I am worried at the same time. I am so happy with him I am so open and I think if the shit is going to get bad I am going to breakdown totally if I get hurt. Gary's friend committing suicide had me thinking about how I have thought about doing that many times. I am pitiful, I am depressed to a point but I just want all the attention that goes with it. I am sick. This could be the root of my guy troubles. But if this going to work out with me and him it just better. Because I just might love him, and I've fallen fast and I would fall hurt if it goes bad. Right on my face. I am like a soap opera. My own self contained Bold and the Beautiful, or Young and the Restless. Blah. Subject change... Could anyone see me as a ballet dancer? God have I been thinking about that recently. I have always wanted to be a professional dancer but never wanted to go into ballet before. I think I am turning a new corner in my weirdness.. Besides being way too fat to be a ballet dancer, I might could.. (it that english?), pull it off. Or maybe I just need to be slapped. Ooops here I go needing some attention. I need a shock every time I make the motion to even say something attention warranting. All in all I doing ok, if I could possibly be ok. The endddd......
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[27 Apr 2004|03:20pm] |
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So So Happy :) |
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Thalia |
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AOL will be killing my service soon such for some reason my bank won't let them take the 23.90 out of my account and in 24 hours I'll be history, I thought I'd give everyone a recent update. I don't really care to have AOL back, I'd also rather not pay the high price. I have come into some unexpected happiness and I'm gonna roll with it even though I may just be getting in over my head I don't know and don't care!
My 6th month with the shit hole is closing in fast and when that day comes I'm going to try my damnest to get transfered to another store. I had a great person helping or rather trying to help with my job problem and I don't think he can help and I don't deserve his help, I know he may read this so I just want you to know thank you for trying to help. I will go live with my happiness now until it fades or gets big and stronger and I ride off into the sunset with it. I love you all. You all are so good to me. Hopefully I can get on one more time to atleast see what anyone had to say. If anyone had anything to say I know it's so fast that I just got back on and I know it's not really a big deal me going away but to me it is, sorry. I will miss all my buddies. <<<* Muahhh *>>> Love makes you do stupid things.
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[11 Apr 2004|09:52am] |
As if you were born into a world of tears, you
always tend to look at the darker things in
life. Inside you crave attention yet push away
society, and you're a hopeless romantic. Drawn
to things like the occult and mysteries, you
spend your time daydreaming.
What Type of Soul Do You Have ?
brought to you by Quizilla
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[09 Apr 2004|11:33pm] |
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I really really don't know what to do. There is a guy, a customer, that I now know likes me and thinks I'm pretty and all that but he doesn't speak english. He told my coworker this about me, he's spanish and I don't know enough spanish to actually really talk to him much. I think he's really good looking. I would catch him just staring at me, he has some awesome eyes and I thought I had awesome eyes but I think I met my match. He actually had been staring at me for some time before I ever known he actually was interested in me more than just staring at me. I seen him a couple times for a month before I really knew he liked me. Thing is even if I could get him to understand, "can I get your number," how will he understand me on the phone so that's out and asking HIM out on a date is out too, because we wouldn't talk!!!! I am at a lose for what to do other than me learn more spanish or him learn more english but the thing is I am getting bored with just seeing him in the store and smiling and this and that and him finally leaving and I say bye I want to get to know him and what's behind his awesome eyes but I need a quick fix. Not at "learn spanish in 30 days" plan, but a faster one. I know no one has a solution for me, it's cool, but I just thought I would share with everyone what has been making me so happy these past few days, silly yes, but a blown kiss from the end of the store from an intriguing stranger is far better then dealing with this asshole wanna be friend/boyfriend coworker of mine who thinks I am always lying. I haven't really said much about this person so you guys might not get my meaning in saying that but at least now I am happier than I have been in some weeks now. Even if nothing comes of this I will be better off even experiencing it. :P So how are yall?
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[04 Apr 2004|10:21pm] |
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What a troubled soul, what a troubled soul I am..
Good lord I am so happy I don't have to back to the hell hole for two days too bad it isn't forever.
I know I need to give it a chance I haven't even been there 6 mths, close but not quite so I am trying my best to not just give up on the place. Unlike my last job I don't think I'll miss this one once it has ended. I may miss some people but most of them and the job and the whole of wal-mart I won't miss one day passed. But you know it's just a job and not what I wanna or what I'm going to be doing forever just my pit stop. Enough. I have been watching my law & order svu I bought, first season, boy I'm telling ya I love it. I got hooked on those kind of shows when I use to watch Nypd Blue with my dad and I really like that show too just didn't have it when I had the money or I would of bought it. I really need to go over to someone place and just sit down with them and know their listening and just spill all these feelings and thoughts I have so I can one day feel better. Because the way I am going I'm going to kill myself.
End.
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[04 Apr 2004|10:44am] |
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Death by Pocket Knife
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[31 Mar 2004|11:35pm] |
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I don't really know what I wanna say. I am so confused on how I feel and what is going on with my relationships at this point. I don't know whose a friend and whose more. I am going to hit the bed soon so I may end up just saying random shit on this entry, excuse it please. I am sick of changing for people just to make things work smoothly, I wanna be sarcastic again, fuck these fake ass people at work! Boy I can't wait until I'm there a year or almost close, so I can ride the fuck out that bitch, I am sick of jumping from job to job but I'm not about to stay at a job as worse as this one, Wal-Mart is a full wide Soap Opera, most of the people are cool... all are really nice but their fake as fuck though they talk shit mad shit about you.. I know your saying thats every where but you don't work here! I am done talking about that I should leave that shit at work and not bring it home but it's hard. I don't know why I let them get to me but it's like I need this job but at the same time I wanna punch some of these bitches right in the face. It's bad when the reason why you hate your job is because of the people you work with, I have no problem with the work,work, I like it as a matter of fact. Here I go again. I am so sore from working out, boy I love working out it's just not too cool that I don't see much result from my 5 mths goes strong since I started. I can not stand the radio.. geez.. all these damn commercials.. shut the hell up please and play some damn music!! I am so lonely yet I talk to many men.. I get all these IMs asking me why I don't have a boyfriend and I really don't know I guess I'm just a freak of nature, hard to get along with, deformed maybe, something has to be wrong, or wait I try anything for attention is something alot of people don't know about me. I need a true friend, of course male, I want that male touch without the sex thing getting in the way, that would be heaven, the kind of friend I always wanted and dreamed about the guy you do everything with, tell everything, do anything for, your parents love him, he's slept over and it's cool, you feel so safe with him, he's everything you've ever wanted, without the sexual hassle, prefect but yet not. I don't know what I want.
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[28 Mar 2004|09:05am] |
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I really want to write something but I don't know what to write, or rather type but you get the joist.
As it stands I really don't like my life. I really don't know how I could dislike it so much these days.
Seems like the only real relationships, friends or otherwise I have with guys I have online, and the ones I don't have online they usually turn out to be very weird, I thought the weird guys were online, ha. Usually the online guys don't turn out to be who I thought they were, or I get caught up in feelings for them that they don't have for me so I end up with all this emotional baggage I guess you can call it and I'm always down when it comes to thinking about relationships. I guess I caught feelings for guys too quickly and that maybe the root of my whole problem. I know I seem to always go on and on about the same shit but there is a problem here, reason for me not even having a friendship with a guy. Shit I don't have very many girl friends that I'm friends with anymore, most of them are off having babies and I'm no longer a member of the club since the club has changed. I just need a friend I guess I'm trying to say, but friends these days are not like I use to imagine a friend being. I use to think of me and my friends hanging out at my house doing this and doing this and having so much fun or going out and painting the town red and such but none of that has seemed to happen. I know you can't miss something you never had, but I miss that somehow. I guess me getting into basketball is my attempt at making me some friends. I really have been interested in it, just never played it and it's an easy way to make friends, right?
I really don't know what I want in life, maybe that is also a problem I have and also maybe a reason for not being able to keep a guy in my life. I think I should hold off dating maybe for a while until I know what I want to do or am I being my usual self right now, even in this journal begging for attention I tell you I've lived with myself forever and only now have I realized how bad of a person I really am, haha. I sound crazy I guess.
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[27 Mar 2004|01:45pm] |
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Oh boy did I have myself a great week without my parents. I had so much fun but I am glad their back since I feel more safe when their here. I have an update but I don't know how to go about telling it. I'm having some problems at work. With people lieing on me about shit I haven't even done. I don't really wanna get into it but I really can't understand how someone who doesn't know you can hate you so much and want you fired. Other than the work shit I'm doing pretty good hopefully I'll still have my job after tomorrow, I'm gonna tell one of my manager's about this shit and see what happens.
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[21 Mar 2004|11:25pm] |
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mood |
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Oh my god I am sooooo jealous. I just read something that made me oh so jealous.
.Someone please shoot me..
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liquideyedme's journal